The World Series.
The grandeur of the finale of America's national pastime is unmatched.
That is, unless you were watching this year's Series (and ratings would suggest you most likely were not), which probably made you think something more along the lines of, "Oh man, 'Family Guy' isn't on?"
And it was that kind of Series.
Just boring. Really, really boring.
There was no story that made you care either way. Sure, the Tigers were interesting, but it's somewhat difficult to consider a team with 95 wins a feel-good underdog story.
(If they ran the Series on the Disney Channel, maybe)
And their opponent, the St. Louis Cardinals, was an impossible-to-root-for 83-win team in the regular season, seemingly unworthy to even grace the field that far into October.
Not to mention the Tigers' star starting pitcher (Kenny Rogers) is a lying cheater.
Make your next wager at WagerWeb
But at least he committed to the lie. I mean, I was there during the press conference — the microphone kept sticking to his hands and the room reeked of rich mahogany.
"A clump of dirt," he says while scrubbing the desk down with Pine Sol.
Hey, he's Kenny Rogers. The Gambler. I still can't tell if he was bluffing.
Choi Wins Chrysler: Not That There's Anything Wrong With That
OK, I'll admit it. The only reason why I followed the PGA Chrysler Championship last week was in hopes for the eventual headline, "Winner of Chrysler is Gay."
That's right, Brian Gay. And proud.
He finished the first round in a tie for second and finished one stroke behind the best porno name in golf, Rod Pampling.
Can you tell I'm not your typical golf fan?
Malkin-tent?
A Russian hockey club filed an anti-trust lawsuit last week claiming Pittsburgh's rookie gem, Evgeni Malkin, is still under contract with Mother Russia.
And while I've never been to Russia, I have instead accepted Hollywood depictions as reality.
Meaning Malkin has two options: Go back to Russia quietly, or go back to Russia with two broken legs.
That is, unless a British secret agent steps in and saves the day.
Then again, Malkin does play for the Penguins.
(He has probably booked the next flight out.)
Poll Position
Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis commented that he couldn't believe his squad was passed in the rankings by a team "home eating cheeseburgers."
I'm not so much mad about the slant on the poll system as much as I am about the totally unwarranted cheeseburger attack.
For all McDonald's has undoubtedly done for Weis and his wardrobe, I would think he'd be a little more appreciative.
(No, but seriously, I'm just glad he didn't say something like, "And they were home eating the square-patty big beef junior bacon cheeseburger for only 99 cents," because it's embarrassing having Wendy as your "friend of the program.")
Big Mac Hall-Worthy?
This question was posed on ESPN last week by sports writer Jim Caple.
Personally, I hope Mark McGwire is.
And I know McGwire used steroids (I mean, come on). But I don't care, as long as he has fun with it and comes clean during his Hall of Fame induction speech.
Something like, "Ahem, I'm not here to talk about the past & Sike, I'm just playin'. Yeah, I used steroids and look where I am now! Suck it, Selig!"
I'm just sick of athletes lying all the time. (or in McGwire's case, avoiding the issue altogether.)
But at least we can all say that lying athletes have taught us something:
On to the headlines:
A. Don't tell a grand jury you used steroids, then tell the public you're Mr. Clean when you know there might have been some punk kid in the room that would sell the transcripts for a summer internship at the Boston Globe.
B. If you hit 50 home runs, you're on steroids.
C. Never play poker with Kenny Rogers.
That will do it for this week's Sports Column. Next time, expect a lot of NBA talk, as we discuss whether Kobe's collection of powder blue sweater-vests disqualifies him for "street cred" and the likelihood that Isiah Thomas trades two first round picks for The Mongoose from those NBA 2K7 video game commercials.
